Whenever most of us speak we are speaking two languages without ever realizing it. Of course we are speaking English, but we also are speaking volumes more with our hand gestures. And yet, there are others who can not only use these two forms of communication but they also incorporate body language and facial expressions to offer the listener a full HD experience. To prove the importance and necessity of non-verbal communication I performed a little science experiment. It was a relatively simple experiment but it yielded fascinating results. I tried to hold down my mother's arms to her side for two minutes during a conversation with my brother about what she did the day before. She didn't last twenty seconds before she stopped and said she couldn't continue. She elaborated every miniscule detail with her hands and arms for added emphasis. According to my mother the importance of her gestures to her speech was almost like needing air to breathe, she could absolutely not do one without the other. While I would like to say that gender and other external stimuli are partly responsible for this behavior I also do believe that it is some part the individual's character that contributes to the utilization of non-verbal communication.
My mother has her funny way of expressing herself non-verbally and over time I found I share a similar trait when I talk. For example my brother sometimes to express himself his voice gets louder and squeakier as his emotions take a hold on him. We all have our own unique way of doing things, our daily routines, or sometimes they are more commonly referred to as our OCD tendencies. It may not be logical or even productive but they have to be done. In a way or non-verbal communication is a religious tendency that cannot be deviated from. The non-verbal communication is key to our relationship with others, it is done a certain way and our unique quirks make us who we are.
The gender gap is a optical illusion, sometimes it can be a hop, skip, and a jump away, and other times it feels like we are crossing the Grand Canyon on foot. These nonverbal cues between males and females are misinterpreted more often than we would like. But the funny thing is these miscommunications are two sides of a coin. Both parties are saying the same thing but it sounds different, it sometimes sounds like the exact contradiction, this is of course in the heat of the moment. After the dust settles everything becomes clear as day. But yet there are those other times when the miscommunications occur because we get complacent, and we assume. These assumptions are usually insignificant occurrences in everyday life but the wars that result from this are epic. Yett despite these epic battles we still need these skirmishes, they make us feel alive, and realize what we have could be gone in a moment. And that is what makes us realize the consequences of our actions, although sometimes we realize them too late.
Jonathan, you never fail to surprise me whenever I read your thoughts. What I like most about what you have to say is that you say the things that many people won’t dare to say; are too afraid to say. I was just telling Jenn over the weekend (The Vagina Monologues rehearsals and shows and all…) that you’re the one person in the class whom I feel says things that everyone else won’t. Besides me, of course. I really loved reading about your experiment with body language. I’m one of those people who’re really animated as well. I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands at my sides for two minutes. It seems like such a short period of time, but in reality, it’s forever. What I really liked about your blog this week was when you mentioned our nonverbal communication almost being a “religious tendency”. This is absolutely the truth.
ReplyDeleteNonverbal communication is a part of our everyday lives. It’s almost an unconscious thing we do; and how people receive it as well. I’ve been making a point to notice this past week how easy it is for people to read other’s body language. It’s almost as if they understand what they’re not saying better than they understand actual words coming out of their mouths. It’s completely a religious tendency; nonverbal communication. When you went into specifics between male and female nonverbal communication, it got me thinking. Which, for the most part, is a good thing; though, not all of the time. What you said was interesting. It’s true that men and women have different “vices” in nonverbal language that they rely on and it’s something I hadn’t thought about too much. So, thanks for bringing that up! Until next week…
You touched on something when you spoke of the miscommunication factors between men and women. Sometimes our nonverbal cues do get lost in translation; I can recall several instances where this is evident. The most common example of this for me is when I was in a relaxed conversation setting with my girlfriend, and we would discuss certain topics and use completely different analogies to express the same conclusion. One may assume that because you agree with another, harmony is sure to follow; this was not the case for me. Her being the more insightful and “happy-go-lucky” type of person, and me being the condescending/ jack-assy individual that I am; it was inevitable for chaos derived from assumptions and misunderstandings to occur. It is ideal for one to take a position of agreeing to disagree for the sake of preserving a healthy relationship; but how does one settle a conflict when two parties agree with one another’s philosophies? At this point it just seems like one party wants to be right more than the other; which is an entirely different issue! The so- called “battle of the sexes” has caused a massive gender gap, and there has been no progression in terms of bridging that gap; all that it has accomplished is to highlight the differences that men and women have, which was already evident prior to the movement. I believe more promotion of respecting/ understanding one another’s differences is necessary for us to succeed in communicating more effectively in the future.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that we are speaking two languages, English as well as our physical language. I am not someone who uses a lot of arms and movement when trying to explain something, but I do use them. I like when people use a lot of hand gestures and body movements as well as voice changes to explain something. I find that it is a lot easier to listen to these people; they keep your attention and keep you interested. I like the “HD” experience, haha. It’s funny how much we use these gestures without even realizing it. We use them subconsciously, yet they are vital to what we are trying to convey. I think this nonverbal cues and gestures are taught, like you said you use them much like your mother. I have noticed that I talk and use gestures almost identical to my Dad. The gender gap does cause a lot of conflict, most of these due to misinterpretation. There is a definite gap in language between men and women, not only in speaking language, but in non-verbal language as well as listening language. I agree, I think assumptions can be very harmful to a relationship, I think before you assume, you should ask if what you assumed was actually right.
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