Who I once was has been replaced, and I just hope it is for the better. I want to be a better person, I do not only want to become a better writer but I also want to become a more effective communicator. The ability to communicate has been one of my major focal points this semester and I feel like I have improved on it. But this semester is quickly coming to a close and although this experience has been a major period of growth for me in both my writing and my understanding of things beyond my consciousness, I feel like there is something missing, and I just cannot put my finger on it.
This semester started out as one of the worst of times for me; I was trying to hold two jobs and somehow manage to go to school full time but in the end it proved to be too exhausting, and so I dropped one job and persisted in school. But that wasn't enough my hours at my only job jumped from forty hours a week to almost fifty plus hours a week. Now, I am in no way complaining about the paycheck, but it does no good to make that much money and be miserable trying to make ends meet. But things eventually balanced out and I got my routine somewhat down, so that way I could survive this semester and things started looking up for me.
But I fear the hole is too big for me to crawl out of, I fell quickly behind with the amount of work I was doing and the amount of schoolwork that was being piled on. And now at the end of it all when I feel like I have a hold on it, it is too late it is almost over. The readings we have done this semester have been some of the most interesting and quite frankly hilarious. The EL book was a lot to digest but I feel good knowing I didn't cut any corners and the knowledge I gained from learning how to communicate with the opposite sex was in it of itself, all worth the painstaking time I spent working on those tedious questions. (As a side note I do not know if anyone tried typing those questions into blackboard directly but if you did: did your questions get deleted like mine did... twice? I spent six hours typing two weeks of those questions and both week's worth of questions were deleted because it said I wasn't logged in... Needless to say I learned about the magic of cut and paste...) Now as for the books we read, I thoroughly enjoyed Reading Lolita in Tehran it invoked emotions in me that made me wish I could transcend the pages and personally right every wrong those women had to face. I also enjoyed Lolita which was magnificently written but the story was a little... intense, to say the least. On Bullshit was difficult for me to read, I do not know if anyone else found it difficult to follow, but I felt like I needed a P.H.D. to understand half of Frankfurt's points. Now Animal Farm is a classic and like always it was enjoyable yet no matter how many times I read it, it still makes me wish I had the time and energy to read Orwell's 1984 so I can compare the two. And the essays we wrote were difficult but I tried my best at them. I have no regrets, other than I wish I had more time to revise them to potentially get a better score.
And after all is said and done I am glad to have gotten to know some of you in this class. You guys were great peers and I felt a sort of strong connection to you guys although I have never seen some of your faces or met some of you, it feels as though we have. Is it weird? Yeah, it kind of is, but not in that crazy, stalker, kind of way. It was just a unique and fun experience, I will miss this class. Anyway, I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and good luck.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
"I'm giving it all she's got Captain!"
That statement can pretty much sum up my experiences in this English class. What were my expectations in the beginning? Well, for starters I was not going to assume it was an easy class. I had done that with my two previous English classes here at AVC and got a "C" in both for my troubles. I wondered after the second "C," what gave me the right to be some arrogant prick entering both of those classes? And if I had to guess when it started, I would say that after I had taken two A.P. English classes in high school I had an over-exuberance of swag. I was cocky, well beyond simple confidence in my abilities, my mentality was: I've done this before, I received good marks then, so now I should be fine. Wrong. Nothing could have been farther from the truth, and I found myself eating that humble pie more often than my pride would like to admit. But I am in no way lamenting about this, I am in fact ecstatic that this learning "phase" happened now, before I became stubborn in my ways and I am even more glad that it happened here at AVC, instead of when I am forking out almost $20,000 dollars to attend classes. But, I made it, I am one step closer to my goal.
On June 3rd I can finally say, "Peace, I am going to the big town." I will be moving to L.A. and attending Cal State Dominguez Hills, which ironically enough is Jennifer's alma mater. But the road to this was not easy, it was not the well-beaten path, but I can say with absolute conviction that I am proud of the results. Had I not taken a semester off I would not have been where I am at today and I would not have gotten to know the people I know. But there is one regret I wish I could have done right, I wish I could have had the knowledge that I have now back then. It is funny how that works, hindsight is always 20/20 and obstacles that should have been relatively easy to overcome took more energy than we would have thought possible. I have learned so much in this class and I have made friends that are second to none. This semester has flown by, but the lessons I learned will stick with me forever.
I was not a great writer, and like Melissa quoted it is like "cutting yourself open" at times. But I think my writing has come a long way, just like many others in this class. Although some of us may never see each other past this year I can say that it was a hell of a time.
The discussions we had were hilarious, inspirational, frustrating (at times), emotional, and overall stimulating. I learned to love reading again (A.P. classes had a little part in causing my distaste for reading leisurely beyond what was required) and I also learned how to effectively deliver my point in a manner that will not have my message fall on deaf ears. That lesson, in it of itself is worth all the time I spent in this class. It will be a sad day to have to leave home and be a visitor here, but my path needs to be created, I want to make my mark in the world and the only way I can do that is by not looking back and, "giving it all she's got Captain..."
On June 3rd I can finally say, "Peace, I am going to the big town." I will be moving to L.A. and attending Cal State Dominguez Hills, which ironically enough is Jennifer's alma mater. But the road to this was not easy, it was not the well-beaten path, but I can say with absolute conviction that I am proud of the results. Had I not taken a semester off I would not have been where I am at today and I would not have gotten to know the people I know. But there is one regret I wish I could have done right, I wish I could have had the knowledge that I have now back then. It is funny how that works, hindsight is always 20/20 and obstacles that should have been relatively easy to overcome took more energy than we would have thought possible. I have learned so much in this class and I have made friends that are second to none. This semester has flown by, but the lessons I learned will stick with me forever.
I was not a great writer, and like Melissa quoted it is like "cutting yourself open" at times. But I think my writing has come a long way, just like many others in this class. Although some of us may never see each other past this year I can say that it was a hell of a time.
The discussions we had were hilarious, inspirational, frustrating (at times), emotional, and overall stimulating. I learned to love reading again (A.P. classes had a little part in causing my distaste for reading leisurely beyond what was required) and I also learned how to effectively deliver my point in a manner that will not have my message fall on deaf ears. That lesson, in it of itself is worth all the time I spent in this class. It will be a sad day to have to leave home and be a visitor here, but my path needs to be created, I want to make my mark in the world and the only way I can do that is by not looking back and, "giving it all she's got Captain..."
Friday, May 20, 2011
Procrastinator! Who me?
Ok so if I had written this on Monday, when I originally planned to, I would have had a despicable confession to make... but since it is Friday I have some really proud accomplishments to speak about. Firstly I have almost completed my paper! This unfortunately the pinnacle of my progress report because I still need to include my sources appropriately throughout my paper. So my work, in a way, could be viewed as not even being close to finished because this could potentially make or break the paper because it is a research paper. And like everyone else in class, I do not want to screw this paper up. I am sure many of us were flipping out because when we were first assigned this paper we thought we could research the materials and begin drafting our papers in no time. God, how I wish life was conscientious to the fact that this paper has the weight to potentially crush our hard work throughout this semester. Aside from the fact that all my other classes have dramatically increased my workload either due to lack a of planning/ forethought on the progress of some students or some unforeseen circumstances beyond anyone's control this semester has thrown everything but the kitchen sink at me. Now to some this would seem like mindless cliche banter, but in all honesty, that shit just happened. In my Stats class my teacher was involved in a car crash that totaled her car and she was healing from her injuries for a week and a half. This was difficult to rebound back from, we are still a little behind but it is not by much so we should be fine. In my Spanish class our instructor has made lessons that should only last about twenty minutes last almost an hour and a half. Yet on difficult lessons that should take almost an hour to learn, practice, and execute properly she spends ten minutes and expects us to have it down to a science. Now I respect my instructor and I have learned much in this Spanish class than I had in classes I previously had in high school but we are so behind that over this last week and next week we will have to cover two chapters that, so far, appear to be more complicated than what we have had. But all this is neither here nor there, the work needs to be done, the material needs to be learned, I just hope my brain doesn't explode before June third.
But getting back to the topic at hand, my paper, I feel as though this semester has forced me to have a love-hate relationship with all my classes but more specifically with English. I love the material we have learned so far, yet I hate the amount of work we have had to do to learn this wonderful material. I feel as though in this English class I have learned more in one semester than all my other semesters or years in English. But this knowledge has come with a price, I do not have the energy to do anything but my coursework. Going out with friends makes me feel bad, watching television makes me feel like a waste, even spending time with my family consumes me with guilt, my conscience is stretched to the breaking point, along with the rest of my being. Did I procrastinate? Yes I did. I pushed things off until the last possible opportunity whether by conscious choice or plain necessity, it happened. And now that I am here at this moment in time, I have a job to do. So I will get back to it, like I am sure many of you will and hopefully finish it correctly so that way my guilt can be rectified, and my body can finally stop being so strung up from all this tension.
But getting back to the topic at hand, my paper, I feel as though this semester has forced me to have a love-hate relationship with all my classes but more specifically with English. I love the material we have learned so far, yet I hate the amount of work we have had to do to learn this wonderful material. I feel as though in this English class I have learned more in one semester than all my other semesters or years in English. But this knowledge has come with a price, I do not have the energy to do anything but my coursework. Going out with friends makes me feel bad, watching television makes me feel like a waste, even spending time with my family consumes me with guilt, my conscience is stretched to the breaking point, along with the rest of my being. Did I procrastinate? Yes I did. I pushed things off until the last possible opportunity whether by conscious choice or plain necessity, it happened. And now that I am here at this moment in time, I have a job to do. So I will get back to it, like I am sure many of you will and hopefully finish it correctly so that way my guilt can be rectified, and my body can finally stop being so strung up from all this tension.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
As Cold as the Other Side of the Pillow
My writing style is for the most part to the point. Since I spend a lot of time and energy in elaborating other aspects of my life when I communicate online it is really direct, simple, and almost always lacks the "fluff" of bullshit. Growing up my teachers used to tell me I needed to "fluff" up my writings to make it interesting, but to add mindless details is not my idea of "fluffing." I would much rather write with a tone of voice that establishes a context with my reader; I would rather tell you what I am thinking or feeling than rather "allude" to it. If you need a map and a compass to find out what I am trying to tell you, then miscommunications happen. And I do not like miscommunications, so many arguments happen whenever there is a miscommunication. But what I hate more than a miscue is reading someone else's work and realizing half the crap they wrote about could have been omitted, and I would not have wasted x amount of minutes of my life. If I wanted to read a good story I would, if I need to know what is going on, spare me the details and give it to me straight.
Now with all that being said there are times when "fluff" is necessary. Some of us cannot handle the bluntness of certain truths. And as I have been told by many people I am "rotten at this game" whenever I try to "ease the blow" I end up failing, miserably. Now I realize this comes from the no BS attitude I have adopted over time. But in life there is no easy way to say anything, and no matter how you say it, someone ends up getting hurt. People have told me that I come off as being an insensitive jerk, and although I apologize profusely they still tell me that I could lighten up a bit. I do not mean to sound cold and callous but sometimes there just is no other way to say it. And I am not the coldest-hearted person, there have been people that I have spoken to that make me look like a care bear compared to them, but I do have some cold-hearted moments and during these times they are usually a result of my lack of options. When I argue with people I get cold-hearted real quick, I forget that I am just arguing with someone that I know and potentially care about, and so when things are said they are said in the most untactful fashion, and I often regret some things, but I have worked on this to thaw my tone a bit. And I find that although life is cold, I do not always have to be. I do not want to be the ass hole that everyone hates and does not want to get to know.
Now with all that being said there are times when "fluff" is necessary. Some of us cannot handle the bluntness of certain truths. And as I have been told by many people I am "rotten at this game" whenever I try to "ease the blow" I end up failing, miserably. Now I realize this comes from the no BS attitude I have adopted over time. But in life there is no easy way to say anything, and no matter how you say it, someone ends up getting hurt. People have told me that I come off as being an insensitive jerk, and although I apologize profusely they still tell me that I could lighten up a bit. I do not mean to sound cold and callous but sometimes there just is no other way to say it. And I am not the coldest-hearted person, there have been people that I have spoken to that make me look like a care bear compared to them, but I do have some cold-hearted moments and during these times they are usually a result of my lack of options. When I argue with people I get cold-hearted real quick, I forget that I am just arguing with someone that I know and potentially care about, and so when things are said they are said in the most untactful fashion, and I often regret some things, but I have worked on this to thaw my tone a bit. And I find that although life is cold, I do not always have to be. I do not want to be the ass hole that everyone hates and does not want to get to know.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Fat Kitty, Kitty...
Friday, April 29, 2011
At One Point We Arrived Here Illegally Too.
The right to pursue our life's goals and interests is an inalienable right. Our founding father's sought to enable us to be governed by a leadership that keeps chaos and anarchy at bay while not infringing upon our ability to complete what we want in life. The pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness is no easy road. It takes a lot out of us and it sometimes compromises our rational thoughts. Illegal immigration is such an endeavor. When individual's belonging to another country wish for a better life the thought of waiting months, even years to obtain citizenship is too long. We, as citizens of this country by birth have no idea what it is like. We are not on the outside looking in. But once upon a time some of our ancestors arrived here illegally, (they did have a legal charter from the King of England but how do you own land that already belongs to the individuals who are already here?) and as an escape for their religious beliefs. I am of course referring to the pilgrims who landed in Massachusetts.
We all know the story, they were being persecuted for their Puritan beliefs so they decided to gather their livelihood, their families and with the help of investors they decided to ask the King for a charter for land, in what is now Virginia, and they set sail in multiple ships, but they had to condense down into one, the Mayflower, because the other ships were leaking. So, I didn't know all of these details but I found them out, just like I didn't know all the circumstances behind he new law in Arizona against illegal immigrants. The gist of it is that it allows members of law enforcement broad discretion against determining whether or not an individual belongs to this country. In other words, it allows law enforcement to openly and legally stereotype against Hispanics. Despite the fact that the law stipulates that if any individual appears to not belong in this country legally needs to be removed and deported immediately. The problem is that a majority of the individuals living in Arizona are Hispanic and therefore they became the new targets of this law. It is unfair and it needs to be revoked. I understand that the kidnappings that occur in Arizona are for the most part involved with illegal immigrants but this affects every other Hispanic as well. This law was put into action with the best intentions but it appears that its original purpose was just a mincing of words to increase the likelihood of its passage. As a country we need to not be hypocritical because when we arrived we were not supposed to be going any further then the established border between Native American lands and the colonies. But since there was a legitimate reason for the Arizona it appears that it will be around for some time.
We all know the story, they were being persecuted for their Puritan beliefs so they decided to gather their livelihood, their families and with the help of investors they decided to ask the King for a charter for land, in what is now Virginia, and they set sail in multiple ships, but they had to condense down into one, the Mayflower, because the other ships were leaking. So, I didn't know all of these details but I found them out, just like I didn't know all the circumstances behind he new law in Arizona against illegal immigrants. The gist of it is that it allows members of law enforcement broad discretion against determining whether or not an individual belongs to this country. In other words, it allows law enforcement to openly and legally stereotype against Hispanics. Despite the fact that the law stipulates that if any individual appears to not belong in this country legally needs to be removed and deported immediately. The problem is that a majority of the individuals living in Arizona are Hispanic and therefore they became the new targets of this law. It is unfair and it needs to be revoked. I understand that the kidnappings that occur in Arizona are for the most part involved with illegal immigrants but this affects every other Hispanic as well. This law was put into action with the best intentions but it appears that its original purpose was just a mincing of words to increase the likelihood of its passage. As a country we need to not be hypocritical because when we arrived we were not supposed to be going any further then the established border between Native American lands and the colonies. But since there was a legitimate reason for the Arizona it appears that it will be around for some time.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Why we Can't Just Leave it to Beaver...
My, my, how we have grown... The "filter" that used to be on television during its golden days has disappeared, and I believe it did when everything went to digital. It was at that point when the basic network channels began to expand the viewers' imagination to the likes of South Park, Family Guy, American Dad, and pretty much any other vulgar show on cable. Shows that were exclusive to the extra costs that cable companies had established, were now becoming available to the common individual. I believe the shows on the old school channels like KTLA, CBS, FOX, KCAL,etc. needed to become "revamped." So that way shows like Supernatural, House, Two and a Half Men, etc. could attract more of an audience/ keep their audience. What better way to do so than "vulgar" it up? The controversy of saying something on television causes people to talk about it, and then some people who have never seen the show, just might. And then BAM! It becomes an Instant increase in ratings. Even Emeril would be impressed by their initiative to "spice" things up a notch.
Me personally? I believe most shows on television after six are not suitable for children under thirteen. The language gets crude, the situations become more sexually motivated, and it appeases the older, just got off work, audience. If people are appalled that an inappropriate show is on for their kids to see, then plan a family game night or throw on a Disney movie, because things are not going to change any time soon. Just the other day I was watching Two and a Half Men with my dad, now I do not watch the show religiously, but my pops does, and the dorky brother made a sexual inuendo that was borderline... well... blunt and my dad was shocked. I thought it was a pretty slick retort, but my dad said it was... different, to say the least. The times have changed, very drastically, and no longer is Charles in Charge, The Cosby Show, or Leave it to Beaver on primetime. The "drat," "darn," and "by golly" have been replaced by more eloquent, descriptive words such as, "damn," "crap," or "son of a bitch." People, just like my dad, need to understand that as adults, we are exposed to adult content, and if you don't like it, then change the channel to the Disney channel or Nickelodeon, which ever is your preference... By the way, I hear Nick at night takes folks back to when television was pure and good natured. Boy what a change of pace, huh?
Me personally? I believe most shows on television after six are not suitable for children under thirteen. The language gets crude, the situations become more sexually motivated, and it appeases the older, just got off work, audience. If people are appalled that an inappropriate show is on for their kids to see, then plan a family game night or throw on a Disney movie, because things are not going to change any time soon. Just the other day I was watching Two and a Half Men with my dad, now I do not watch the show religiously, but my pops does, and the dorky brother made a sexual inuendo that was borderline... well... blunt and my dad was shocked. I thought it was a pretty slick retort, but my dad said it was... different, to say the least. The times have changed, very drastically, and no longer is Charles in Charge, The Cosby Show, or Leave it to Beaver on primetime. The "drat," "darn," and "by golly" have been replaced by more eloquent, descriptive words such as, "damn," "crap," or "son of a bitch." People, just like my dad, need to understand that as adults, we are exposed to adult content, and if you don't like it, then change the channel to the Disney channel or Nickelodeon, which ever is your preference... By the way, I hear Nick at night takes folks back to when television was pure and good natured. Boy what a change of pace, huh?
Friday, April 15, 2011
What the Deuce?!?!
Two words, Family Guy. That is enough to illustrate the point of how the media can be sexist, prejudicial, or downright vulgar. No stone is left unturned on that show. There is nothing that is off limits, out of bounds, or left alone. In the amount of time that, that show has been on air it has covered almost the entire spectrum of possible people, groups, media, events, or other phenomena that has occurred. And why has it had such good success? I can only surmise that Seth McFarlane is a comic genius, his material is unadulterated completely mindless humor. This is a definite recipe for success in America.
Most media outlets are like this, they find that this blunt presentation is a winner in the ratings and so it remains prevalent on television. Now Family Guy is not the first to do this, nor will it be the last.
The prejudicial language is monitored because it is on television and even so it is pretty bad. For example on one episode Peter tells Lois that the kids cannot see her hitting/ belittling him because it will ruin his image of dominance. I thought this was a pretty funny statement at the time, but now I realize the seriousness of the joke. Spousal abuse is no laughing matter. My mother was in an abusive relationship with my father, and she left him for it. Call it genetics or visually learned behaviors, but I find that I get aggressive for little to no provocation. "It is just Latin passion" I have been told, but it scares me. I do not want to be like my father. My father is a good hearted man, but he has a mean streak. When the fuse blows get outta Dodge... Recently I have found that my temper threshold is borderline non-existent, I believe my stressful life attributes to this but I do not want to be another abusive asshole in this world. There are plenty already and I do not want to be another statistic.
But the media makes this seem like it is water under the bridge. Like it is no problem. But there is a problem, and I know there is a need sometimes to take things lightheartedly. But this is not a lighthearted matter to some, I do not take it lightly because I witnessed the capacity of spousal abuse and I oppose it. Family Guy is funny and the line is sometimes crossed but I do not take it personal. But I was not the direct victim of spousal abuse, so I cannot fathom what that statement would mean to me if I had been.
Most media outlets are like this, they find that this blunt presentation is a winner in the ratings and so it remains prevalent on television. Now Family Guy is not the first to do this, nor will it be the last.
The prejudicial language is monitored because it is on television and even so it is pretty bad. For example on one episode Peter tells Lois that the kids cannot see her hitting/ belittling him because it will ruin his image of dominance. I thought this was a pretty funny statement at the time, but now I realize the seriousness of the joke. Spousal abuse is no laughing matter. My mother was in an abusive relationship with my father, and she left him for it. Call it genetics or visually learned behaviors, but I find that I get aggressive for little to no provocation. "It is just Latin passion" I have been told, but it scares me. I do not want to be like my father. My father is a good hearted man, but he has a mean streak. When the fuse blows get outta Dodge... Recently I have found that my temper threshold is borderline non-existent, I believe my stressful life attributes to this but I do not want to be another abusive asshole in this world. There are plenty already and I do not want to be another statistic.
But the media makes this seem like it is water under the bridge. Like it is no problem. But there is a problem, and I know there is a need sometimes to take things lightheartedly. But this is not a lighthearted matter to some, I do not take it lightly because I witnessed the capacity of spousal abuse and I oppose it. Family Guy is funny and the line is sometimes crossed but I do not take it personal. But I was not the direct victim of spousal abuse, so I cannot fathom what that statement would mean to me if I had been.
Friday, April 1, 2011
My Integrity?... Priceless...
Happiness is overrated. It is always eluding us, once it gets here it never lasts, and we alway seem get it at the most unsuspecting of times. There were days when I would be driving in my car after an exam, or after work and a happy feeling would come over me it was like some huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I would feel indestructible, on top of the world so to speak, and it was amazing. But it was at times like these that I realize no matter how good it is going; things always find a way of balancing out. And so during these times I felt a number of mixed emotions, but happiness was definitely there, yet it wasn't there for very long because reality would reel me back in from my happy-place.
Happiness without sadness would be a pain in the ass. Ask anyone who has seen the movie Pleasantville. A happy-go-lucky world where everything is perfect is comparable to hell, there is no sadness, or pain to juxtapose the happiness and make us realize how special those happy moments truly are.
Now don't get me wrong, happiness is amazing. In that feeling of euphoria we realize what we can accomplish, and how wonderful life truly is. But like I said life has a way of balancing out. When we are put through trials in our life we do not realize the important lessons we are learning until it is over. And, in most cases what we learn isn't what we want to do the next time we need to apply that learned knowledge. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly, we learn from any experience in life, be it our first spelling test, to our complex math exam last week; we learn and we grow from these experiences. But is happiness on par with self-respect? I feel it is no where close and I consider self-respect and integrity to be interchangeable.
A long time ago as a wee lad, my 8th grade U.S. History teacher, Mrs. LaCour told everyone one of us on the first day of class, "Achieving a good grade in your classes should be your greatest goal, but never sacrifice your integrity to achieve that goal." I was thirteen at the time, I had a vague idea of what she was talking about I wanted to do great in school, but something about integrity? What? It was some time later that I realized what she said.
Integrity. It defines us, it is who we are because of what we say or do. How do you want to be remembered? In one of my classes here at AVC I noticed something that was interesting. In one of my classes our teacher would quiz us on material we were supposed to have studied the night before, but not everyone could study the material as thorough as was necessary to ace the quizzes. I sat in the back and I noticed two gentlemen copying the answers from one another, every time. One of them was a guy I knew from previous classes and he often asked me if I wanted a peek. I told him, "No thanks man, I think I got it." Even though there were plenty of times I was like "I am so lost... or... what the heck...?" My integrity, it used to be a loose association of me. And at one point I was someone I didn't want to be. But now? It drives me, it makes me want to be the better man, the best man I can be. My life has been tough, though the happiness never lasts, one thing remains everlasting, my integrity. It is priceless and all mine, and no I will not give it up lightly or anytime soon.
Happiness without sadness would be a pain in the ass. Ask anyone who has seen the movie Pleasantville. A happy-go-lucky world where everything is perfect is comparable to hell, there is no sadness, or pain to juxtapose the happiness and make us realize how special those happy moments truly are.
Now don't get me wrong, happiness is amazing. In that feeling of euphoria we realize what we can accomplish, and how wonderful life truly is. But like I said life has a way of balancing out. When we are put through trials in our life we do not realize the important lessons we are learning until it is over. And, in most cases what we learn isn't what we want to do the next time we need to apply that learned knowledge. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly, we learn from any experience in life, be it our first spelling test, to our complex math exam last week; we learn and we grow from these experiences. But is happiness on par with self-respect? I feel it is no where close and I consider self-respect and integrity to be interchangeable.
A long time ago as a wee lad, my 8th grade U.S. History teacher, Mrs. LaCour told everyone one of us on the first day of class, "Achieving a good grade in your classes should be your greatest goal, but never sacrifice your integrity to achieve that goal." I was thirteen at the time, I had a vague idea of what she was talking about I wanted to do great in school, but something about integrity? What? It was some time later that I realized what she said.
Integrity. It defines us, it is who we are because of what we say or do. How do you want to be remembered? In one of my classes here at AVC I noticed something that was interesting. In one of my classes our teacher would quiz us on material we were supposed to have studied the night before, but not everyone could study the material as thorough as was necessary to ace the quizzes. I sat in the back and I noticed two gentlemen copying the answers from one another, every time. One of them was a guy I knew from previous classes and he often asked me if I wanted a peek. I told him, "No thanks man, I think I got it." Even though there were plenty of times I was like "I am so lost... or... what the heck...?" My integrity, it used to be a loose association of me. And at one point I was someone I didn't want to be. But now? It drives me, it makes me want to be the better man, the best man I can be. My life has been tough, though the happiness never lasts, one thing remains everlasting, my integrity. It is priceless and all mine, and no I will not give it up lightly or anytime soon.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Consequences of our non-verbal actions
Whenever most of us speak we are speaking two languages without ever realizing it. Of course we are speaking English, but we also are speaking volumes more with our hand gestures. And yet, there are others who can not only use these two forms of communication but they also incorporate body language and facial expressions to offer the listener a full HD experience. To prove the importance and necessity of non-verbal communication I performed a little science experiment. It was a relatively simple experiment but it yielded fascinating results. I tried to hold down my mother's arms to her side for two minutes during a conversation with my brother about what she did the day before. She didn't last twenty seconds before she stopped and said she couldn't continue. She elaborated every miniscule detail with her hands and arms for added emphasis. According to my mother the importance of her gestures to her speech was almost like needing air to breathe, she could absolutely not do one without the other. While I would like to say that gender and other external stimuli are partly responsible for this behavior I also do believe that it is some part the individual's character that contributes to the utilization of non-verbal communication.
My mother has her funny way of expressing herself non-verbally and over time I found I share a similar trait when I talk. For example my brother sometimes to express himself his voice gets louder and squeakier as his emotions take a hold on him. We all have our own unique way of doing things, our daily routines, or sometimes they are more commonly referred to as our OCD tendencies. It may not be logical or even productive but they have to be done. In a way or non-verbal communication is a religious tendency that cannot be deviated from. The non-verbal communication is key to our relationship with others, it is done a certain way and our unique quirks make us who we are.
The gender gap is a optical illusion, sometimes it can be a hop, skip, and a jump away, and other times it feels like we are crossing the Grand Canyon on foot. These nonverbal cues between males and females are misinterpreted more often than we would like. But the funny thing is these miscommunications are two sides of a coin. Both parties are saying the same thing but it sounds different, it sometimes sounds like the exact contradiction, this is of course in the heat of the moment. After the dust settles everything becomes clear as day. But yet there are those other times when the miscommunications occur because we get complacent, and we assume. These assumptions are usually insignificant occurrences in everyday life but the wars that result from this are epic. Yett despite these epic battles we still need these skirmishes, they make us feel alive, and realize what we have could be gone in a moment. And that is what makes us realize the consequences of our actions, although sometimes we realize them too late.
My mother has her funny way of expressing herself non-verbally and over time I found I share a similar trait when I talk. For example my brother sometimes to express himself his voice gets louder and squeakier as his emotions take a hold on him. We all have our own unique way of doing things, our daily routines, or sometimes they are more commonly referred to as our OCD tendencies. It may not be logical or even productive but they have to be done. In a way or non-verbal communication is a religious tendency that cannot be deviated from. The non-verbal communication is key to our relationship with others, it is done a certain way and our unique quirks make us who we are.
The gender gap is a optical illusion, sometimes it can be a hop, skip, and a jump away, and other times it feels like we are crossing the Grand Canyon on foot. These nonverbal cues between males and females are misinterpreted more often than we would like. But the funny thing is these miscommunications are two sides of a coin. Both parties are saying the same thing but it sounds different, it sometimes sounds like the exact contradiction, this is of course in the heat of the moment. After the dust settles everything becomes clear as day. But yet there are those other times when the miscommunications occur because we get complacent, and we assume. These assumptions are usually insignificant occurrences in everyday life but the wars that result from this are epic. Yett despite these epic battles we still need these skirmishes, they make us feel alive, and realize what we have could be gone in a moment. And that is what makes us realize the consequences of our actions, although sometimes we realize them too late.
Friday, March 18, 2011
The Secret language of Subtlety
A shrug, a nod, a look, how many times have we seen these hints and sped past them like when we blow a stop sign? We know they are there but we just might have "overlooked" them or flat out ignored them. Couples around the world can attest to the secret language of subtlety. When their partner is in a bad mood the know it, like a disturbance in the force, or a sixth sense, they can feel it. But how do we not only identify these signs but understand what they mean for a particular person. Lord knows how many wars have been fought under the same roof over a "miscommunication." Something gets lost in translation and the entire message gets corrupted. We find ourselves time and time again looking at the aftermath asking, "What the hell went wrong?" The time we spend with our life-long companions, friends, coworkers, and most importantly family is crucial to decoding this language. I may feel great, enthusiastic about the day, or I might feel like crap. My external emotions might be telling a different story. I could be perceived as tired, happy, or angry. Our appearance is in the eye of the beholder, how they see us is how they will act towards us.
Our emotions sometimes seep through our facade and we "wear them on our sleeves" but most times, most of us are efficient at masking the pain. We wear our poker face and bluff our way through the day, who knows, we could have been in excruciating pain but nobody was ever the wiser about it. This apart of playing the "political game" being able to fool others around you into thinking one thing but your hidden agenda could be another thing entirely. I personally do not play this game. I despise it and I get tired of it. I waste enough of my time and energy trying to survive every week, why do I want to add more weight to carry?
Everyone is different with how they show their emotions, but one thing holds true for all of us, we show our emotion, the key is recognizing when it occurs. My aunt looks pissed, always. At a party, she sits with her arms crossed and he jaw set. At a family barbecue, she sits with her arms crossed and her jaw set. When she watches T.V., she sits with you guessed it her arms crossed and her jaw set. Now walk up to her and do or say something remotely, humorous and she will bust up laughing. Why? Because that is how she expresses herself. She wears that badass, tough cookie, take no crap, facade but she really is a funny and interesting person. We all have our secret languages, if you want to figure it out it doesn't take a P.H.D. just get to know the person and try to see things from their eyes. What are they thinking, how are they feeling, what is going on in their life? These questions race through my head when I see someone sitting there and I figure, "what the heck, I might as well go say hi what's the worst that can happen." It works for me, who knows socialization could be the secret decoder ring we need to solve this.
Our emotions sometimes seep through our facade and we "wear them on our sleeves" but most times, most of us are efficient at masking the pain. We wear our poker face and bluff our way through the day, who knows, we could have been in excruciating pain but nobody was ever the wiser about it. This apart of playing the "political game" being able to fool others around you into thinking one thing but your hidden agenda could be another thing entirely. I personally do not play this game. I despise it and I get tired of it. I waste enough of my time and energy trying to survive every week, why do I want to add more weight to carry?
Everyone is different with how they show their emotions, but one thing holds true for all of us, we show our emotion, the key is recognizing when it occurs. My aunt looks pissed, always. At a party, she sits with her arms crossed and he jaw set. At a family barbecue, she sits with her arms crossed and her jaw set. When she watches T.V., she sits with you guessed it her arms crossed and her jaw set. Now walk up to her and do or say something remotely, humorous and she will bust up laughing. Why? Because that is how she expresses herself. She wears that badass, tough cookie, take no crap, facade but she really is a funny and interesting person. We all have our secret languages, if you want to figure it out it doesn't take a P.H.D. just get to know the person and try to see things from their eyes. What are they thinking, how are they feeling, what is going on in their life? These questions race through my head when I see someone sitting there and I figure, "what the heck, I might as well go say hi what's the worst that can happen." It works for me, who knows socialization could be the secret decoder ring we need to solve this.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Another Brick in the Wall
Being multilingual is something short of being cursed. Because once it gets out that you are affluent in different tongues, it changes people. It changes the perception people have of you in either a negative or positive way. Why do people assume that because we may speak a number of languages that it makes us an automatic professional linguist? I used to work at Walgreens and once it got out that I spoke Spanish everyone who used to know how to speak "some" Spanish suddenly had a severe case of amnesia. It was amazing how many calls I got no matter what department I was in because I was the resident "translator." It made me feel good at times and other times it pissed me off because almost fifty percent of the time those hispanic customers only needed the restroom opened. I had my job to do on top of handling the customers that lazy workers passed on. So should English be the recognized language of the world? I believe that if it was there would be less confusion amongst different cultures but there goes the diversity of the world right out the window. How many stories do we have about a small miscommunication with some other culture we encountered? It makes for a good story to tell your friends or family. Well, kiss that goodbye.
The world would be economically strengthened because of the interactions we would have with one another but who is to say that English has to be the world standard? Who died and made our language so important? English is one of, if not the hardest languages to learn but it is possible to have it as the world standard. The world is a small place and this global connection would make a trip around the world equivalent to walking to your fridge to grab a microwavable meal. Something special would be lost. Why travel across the globe when you can have the same experience going anywhere else? Sure the sights aren't duplicable, but the people and the food are. It would just be another brick in the wall of life. We need this diversity it keeps the variety in our life, otherwise we would get complacent and just downright lazy. The people, the interactions, the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and experiences make this life worth living. Why give up this curse, this gift of being different from a cultural standpoint? Some would argue that just because there is a global unified language that doesn't mean that we cannot have different languages. Think about that for a second. If that were true then why do immigrants to the United States teach there children, who are born here, to only speak English? Because those immigrants were ostracized for being different and having to learn English as a second language so they try to make life "easier" for there children. And in doing so it slowly erradicates the cultural landmark of that race. Their unique language becomes a thing of the past, so wouldn't a parallel occur if English became the global language?
The world would be economically strengthened because of the interactions we would have with one another but who is to say that English has to be the world standard? Who died and made our language so important? English is one of, if not the hardest languages to learn but it is possible to have it as the world standard. The world is a small place and this global connection would make a trip around the world equivalent to walking to your fridge to grab a microwavable meal. Something special would be lost. Why travel across the globe when you can have the same experience going anywhere else? Sure the sights aren't duplicable, but the people and the food are. It would just be another brick in the wall of life. We need this diversity it keeps the variety in our life, otherwise we would get complacent and just downright lazy. The people, the interactions, the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and experiences make this life worth living. Why give up this curse, this gift of being different from a cultural standpoint? Some would argue that just because there is a global unified language that doesn't mean that we cannot have different languages. Think about that for a second. If that were true then why do immigrants to the United States teach there children, who are born here, to only speak English? Because those immigrants were ostracized for being different and having to learn English as a second language so they try to make life "easier" for there children. And in doing so it slowly erradicates the cultural landmark of that race. Their unique language becomes a thing of the past, so wouldn't a parallel occur if English became the global language?
Friday, March 4, 2011
The Domino Effect... or something like it...
The difficult thing about writing is organizing all the crap that is going a mile a minute in your brain. Where to begin? This question has haunted me all my life when it comes time to write. But once I solve this puzzle the pieces just fall into place. Each idea stems from the next, like a symphony of various instruments coming together to form the most poetic sounds. But every so often there is a sour note. And in some cases the sour notes just keep on coming. For me, my life in English class has always been one of anonymity and one failed attempt after another. I never really appreciated the power of the written word. It was always just an assignment, I never knew what I could accomplish. But I was always on the brink, if I just learned that one elusive skill that everyone else seems to know...
My English teachers in high school never really spent the time teaching me how to become a better writer. They always gave the same speech, that it was something that clicks, it will just come to you. So I figured I had a better chance finding the Holy Grail than I did getting a "B" in the class. Effort was not a question, at first. I tried and tried but always got the same result that I was so close my teacher told me. It was 11th grade and for the past two years I had the same teacher, Mr. McElroy, who taught me to loathe English with a passion. Almost everyday we had to to book work and grammar that was learned in grade school. Needless to say I did well in those classes but I did not learn anything in the advancement of my English writings. And in 11th grade I was being asked to write at a college level but was, "just missing it a certain uniqueness..."
The best I could achieve was an average score but then something happened that I did not intend. I started to emulate what I saw in movies, television, and other media outlets. I also copied what I read in magazines, books, anything that was inspirational to me. And it just clicked. I do not know how or exactly when, but it did, yet it was a only a flicker of a flame, nothing more. Things just started to fall into place, when I wrote I used such elevated diction that I was confused. Who was writing this? It felt like I was possessed by someone else and I was just witnessing what was happening. If I had to guess at what happened, I can attribute what occurred to a bolster in confidence. My voice came out when I was confident.
My voice, your voice, her voice, his voice, everyone's is different and everyone has one waiting to be tapped into. But once you find it, once you learn what you can accomplish, everything just falls into place, like a row of dominoes. And from then on it just becomes a matter of what the heck am I going to write about? And then the piste resistance, where to begin?
My English teachers in high school never really spent the time teaching me how to become a better writer. They always gave the same speech, that it was something that clicks, it will just come to you. So I figured I had a better chance finding the Holy Grail than I did getting a "B" in the class. Effort was not a question, at first. I tried and tried but always got the same result that I was so close my teacher told me. It was 11th grade and for the past two years I had the same teacher, Mr. McElroy, who taught me to loathe English with a passion. Almost everyday we had to to book work and grammar that was learned in grade school. Needless to say I did well in those classes but I did not learn anything in the advancement of my English writings. And in 11th grade I was being asked to write at a college level but was, "just missing it a certain uniqueness..."
The best I could achieve was an average score but then something happened that I did not intend. I started to emulate what I saw in movies, television, and other media outlets. I also copied what I read in magazines, books, anything that was inspirational to me. And it just clicked. I do not know how or exactly when, but it did, yet it was a only a flicker of a flame, nothing more. Things just started to fall into place, when I wrote I used such elevated diction that I was confused. Who was writing this? It felt like I was possessed by someone else and I was just witnessing what was happening. If I had to guess at what happened, I can attribute what occurred to a bolster in confidence. My voice came out when I was confident.
My voice, your voice, her voice, his voice, everyone's is different and everyone has one waiting to be tapped into. But once you find it, once you learn what you can accomplish, everything just falls into place, like a row of dominoes. And from then on it just becomes a matter of what the heck am I going to write about? And then the piste resistance, where to begin?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Why so serious...
When did our nation become one full of hypocrisy and close minded thinking? The status quo in our day has evolved why haven't we all adapted to it yet? I am so tired of hearing people tell me that things are inappropriate for television or the worn out phrase "Oh my God did they really just say that?" Yea. They did. Get the (expletive) over it. It is time to be free to express ourselves in any manner in which we deem fit because is that not what we are taught to believe? That there is only one of you in this world. I am unique. There will never be another me. Cloning? Really even if there was a clone of ourselves, would they be just like us in every way possible? I doubt it, what makes me, me is the experiences I have had, and the interactions I was apart of, and last I checked duplicating this was impossible. There is no De Lorien we can hop into to re-live the past. Move on people. Times have changed let us change with these times to be as current as we possibly can.
In another students post she mentions the drag queens of society and the shocking nature of the lives these individuals lead. What is so shocking? Everyone has their way of doing things, we all have our guilty pleasures. So why can't these individuals live their lives free of persecution or even being ostracized? I have had the privilege of working retail for three years at the most exciting yet tedious job in the world, Walgreens. In one phrase I can sum up my time there: you cannot, I repeat cannot, script real life. Reality television can kiss my @$$ it has absolutely nothing on the experience that one can gain while working there. That place literally has it all. From the elderly shopping for incontinence or some medication to help with that unsightly irritation which they have to indulge you with the privilege of showing you photos of, to the teenage boy looking to buy condoms, lubricants, massage oils, and some pregnancy tests discretely without the world knowing. Yes it is truly a one of a kind experience. Screw Jersey Shore come work at Walgreens then you will never want to see another crappy show like that again.
So back to the status quo of society what the hell does all this have to do with change for the better? Well for starters why do people judge others on the nature of things they don't understand? I have never been a drag queen that sort of thing doesn't call to my attention, but just because it is not my cup of tea does not give me the right to judge those who like to do that. It does not give me the authority to label them a freak or call them names like I have heard customers at Walgreens do because we had an individual who came into our store who happened to be in drag and was criticized for doing so. I helped them just like any other customer and made them feel as if they were just like anyone else. Why should they get preferential treatment or shitty customer service because of the way they conduct themselves?
We have come a long way in our advancement of technology, in our way of movements for change for certain groups of people but what about true equality for any individual? No matter their sexual orientation, their gender or gender role in society we should accept everyone for their behavioral traits and personality not because they made a life choice contrary to ours. When are we going to have that movement, the tolerance movement for any individual?
In another students post she mentions the drag queens of society and the shocking nature of the lives these individuals lead. What is so shocking? Everyone has their way of doing things, we all have our guilty pleasures. So why can't these individuals live their lives free of persecution or even being ostracized? I have had the privilege of working retail for three years at the most exciting yet tedious job in the world, Walgreens. In one phrase I can sum up my time there: you cannot, I repeat cannot, script real life. Reality television can kiss my @$$ it has absolutely nothing on the experience that one can gain while working there. That place literally has it all. From the elderly shopping for incontinence or some medication to help with that unsightly irritation which they have to indulge you with the privilege of showing you photos of, to the teenage boy looking to buy condoms, lubricants, massage oils, and some pregnancy tests discretely without the world knowing. Yes it is truly a one of a kind experience. Screw Jersey Shore come work at Walgreens then you will never want to see another crappy show like that again.
So back to the status quo of society what the hell does all this have to do with change for the better? Well for starters why do people judge others on the nature of things they don't understand? I have never been a drag queen that sort of thing doesn't call to my attention, but just because it is not my cup of tea does not give me the right to judge those who like to do that. It does not give me the authority to label them a freak or call them names like I have heard customers at Walgreens do because we had an individual who came into our store who happened to be in drag and was criticized for doing so. I helped them just like any other customer and made them feel as if they were just like anyone else. Why should they get preferential treatment or shitty customer service because of the way they conduct themselves?
We have come a long way in our advancement of technology, in our way of movements for change for certain groups of people but what about true equality for any individual? No matter their sexual orientation, their gender or gender role in society we should accept everyone for their behavioral traits and personality not because they made a life choice contrary to ours. When are we going to have that movement, the tolerance movement for any individual?
Sunday, February 13, 2011
English 103 Expectations
Well ironically enough I am starting my first blog in the last place and at the last time I would have wanted because my powers of observation and skills of deduction seem to be faltering. It is 22:19 on the night before it is due and I really tried to get this done on Friday and Saturday night but of course the instructions on how to do this whole procedure is in the one spot we youthful individuals fail to look every time. Right under our very noses. I like many of my fellow classmates overlooked the little .rtf on the instructions page and was writing on the discussion board that I could not load the link above thinking well has there been some mistake? Or maybe the system was down? It's only Friday and I have until Sunday... And so another semester with procrastination hand in hand with me. But not this time. I was determined to look for this blogging shindig and I found it well enough.
So here goes what did I learn from this mini analytical experience: One: READ all the directions carefully no skipping... Two: If my instructor provides us her personal email and it's based with gmail then chances are the blog site will be on google not twitter. And Three: Next time don't be so quick to assume that the technology has an issue when it was my lazyness that caused this potential screw up to the start of what promises to be a good year.
What does critical thinking mean to me? In my youth it meant pondering about everything, being inquisitive about absolutely everything and not taking "it just does that because it is suppossed to " for an answer. Now the term means thinking about the situaion at hand finding out what I need to know to solve it then coming up with alternatives and other means of resolution. It means being able to look at a situation impartially and consider all the angles. It means trying to figure things out for myself and not take someone else's words for it. Although wisdom is valuable I learn the lesson more intensely if I figure it out for myself, but I do listen to conventional wisdom before I decide something. The result gets burned into my mind for future reference and the scars of what is left behind remind me of what it is I learned. My curiosity is squelched and I have no regrets. Living with no regrets it is such a simple concept yet requires the most sacrifice from ourselves. The what-if always lingers but our decision will remain the same irregardless of whatever regrets we have. I have no regrets taking this English class because I have learned more in a week here than I have in all of my other English classes (excluding basic grammar, writing, and reading).
I think critically in most of the aspects of my life. I only say most and not all because when I think critically in my love live I find that my lover and I tend to fight more often than not and since we are so similar in beliefs and in resolve, neither one of us want to back down. But in school I think critically, when I watch a movie I think critically, when I go to work I think critically, when I play baseball I think critically. Sadly thinking critically in most of my daily activities has its pitfalls. In baseball there is a time to think and a time to react, mix the two up and you are out. No redos, no restarts, no mulligans.
I expect to learn from this class when it is appropriate to think critically and when it time to stop thinking and react. I used to sit and wish for things to happen, to sit and think what-if I could do something. That time is done I am going to experience life and stop waiting and make something happen; this class seems to be helping me get over the fear of what I am missing out on. Looking around at my classmates and how everyone is doing their thing makes me realize I want to go do my own thing, take a chance and don't look back. I want to carve my path out in this world then look back and see what I have accomplished and realize I did it. I have made it to the top. I can retire at the "millionaire estates" and cash in my LIFE bucks...
So here goes what did I learn from this mini analytical experience: One: READ all the directions carefully no skipping... Two: If my instructor provides us her personal email and it's based with gmail then chances are the blog site will be on google not twitter. And Three: Next time don't be so quick to assume that the technology has an issue when it was my lazyness that caused this potential screw up to the start of what promises to be a good year.
What does critical thinking mean to me? In my youth it meant pondering about everything, being inquisitive about absolutely everything and not taking "it just does that because it is suppossed to " for an answer. Now the term means thinking about the situaion at hand finding out what I need to know to solve it then coming up with alternatives and other means of resolution. It means being able to look at a situation impartially and consider all the angles. It means trying to figure things out for myself and not take someone else's words for it. Although wisdom is valuable I learn the lesson more intensely if I figure it out for myself, but I do listen to conventional wisdom before I decide something. The result gets burned into my mind for future reference and the scars of what is left behind remind me of what it is I learned. My curiosity is squelched and I have no regrets. Living with no regrets it is such a simple concept yet requires the most sacrifice from ourselves. The what-if always lingers but our decision will remain the same irregardless of whatever regrets we have. I have no regrets taking this English class because I have learned more in a week here than I have in all of my other English classes (excluding basic grammar, writing, and reading).
I think critically in most of the aspects of my life. I only say most and not all because when I think critically in my love live I find that my lover and I tend to fight more often than not and since we are so similar in beliefs and in resolve, neither one of us want to back down. But in school I think critically, when I watch a movie I think critically, when I go to work I think critically, when I play baseball I think critically. Sadly thinking critically in most of my daily activities has its pitfalls. In baseball there is a time to think and a time to react, mix the two up and you are out. No redos, no restarts, no mulligans.
I expect to learn from this class when it is appropriate to think critically and when it time to stop thinking and react. I used to sit and wish for things to happen, to sit and think what-if I could do something. That time is done I am going to experience life and stop waiting and make something happen; this class seems to be helping me get over the fear of what I am missing out on. Looking around at my classmates and how everyone is doing their thing makes me realize I want to go do my own thing, take a chance and don't look back. I want to carve my path out in this world then look back and see what I have accomplished and realize I did it. I have made it to the top. I can retire at the "millionaire estates" and cash in my LIFE bucks...
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